Can Nice Guys Finish Last? 6 Promising Ways to Find Out
Nice Guys Finish Last? last we all have heard this before. Unfortunately, to nice guys, conflict does not come naturally. They are not built that way. It is not to say that mean people are any good at it. It is just that they do it for fun or what to do in nice or in the other words, they derive pleasure out of it.
The secret for nice guys lies in being assertive when handling conflicting situations. Unlike mean guys, you don’t have to bully your way to make other people submit to your demands instead they tend to balance the situation by playing between passivity and aggression.
Being extreme in either direction is injurious, thus following are the ways to master conflict.
1. Silence is the best answer
We are often swayed in the feeling that if we don’t speak, we will be crushed (strictly applicable to nice guys). To avoid falling into this trap weigh your options; if I speak would this escalate more than it has to? Remember choosing not to speak is craft few have mastered and that’s just one way of exercising assertiveness.
2. Indulge the person with ‘and’ instead of ‘but’
‘But’ is a call for conflict straightaway whereas an ‘and’ in the situation dilutes it. Apparently, the conflict turns into healthy one where something solution will come out and won’t be in vain. There is a subtle touch when you add ‘and’ because the other party feels at home – you are working with them and not against.
3. Speak hypothetically
Heard somebody say “generally speaking” or “no offense to anyone”, they are being self-assured. Otherwise, it is considered as an immediate assault on the other party. Try replacing, “I know you have to utilize the cash for marketing but do we have the practicality?” with “Generally when we allocate abudget to a specific project, organizations or companies tend to design its feasibility report first.” look at the difference!
4. Avoid absolutes
You cannot say “you always (never)” because no one always or never does anything. We as individuals are multi-dimensional beings so speaking to them in absolutes is a surefire way to start a conflict or escalate an ongoing one. People usually become defensive as a result so re-phrase and talk based on factual grounds and stick to the topic.
5. Get to the bottom of it by asking welcoming questions
We all hear but we seldom listen. Because if we listen we would empathize with the other person and find out why he is the way he is acting in the moment. Therefore, ask questions such as “help me understand” or “couldn’t you have done it another way?” and the likes thereof.
6. Don’t challenge if you can’t back it up with solution
Workplace conflicts are often a consequent of one party challenging the other of how things should be and at times, undermining the other person’s method of doing tasks. You don’t have to lash out but when you do challenge or question a practice, be sure you have a workaround in your bag of tricks so that the person you challenged should not feel outright anger towards for downplaying his efforts.
Only emotionally intelligent people can learn to master conflict management. Dissertation help can be sought online. So the key lies in becoming empathetic towards others and employing assertiveness in all your dealings.